i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Randomize
