First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
Hands down the best time I've ever had barfing.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I just tried to pass the bowl to my dog for 2 minutes before I remembered she isn't human. It is 7:27 am.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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