You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
tuscaloosa is terrifying
like people here are just empty shells of drugs and sin
there is no mercy here
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I can't open my mouth wide enough to make full use of this snapchate update
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
