Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
