Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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