what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I'll see ya tonight at your house...and I'm bringing you a special treat that starts with a V and ends with us eventually going to rehab one day.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Found like seven bruises in the shower. One was shaped like a hand. Best. Sex. Ever.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Randomize