why didn't you poke me back
will power is for people who don't want to get laid
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
fuck your need to drink for whitney a thousand times last night.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
