Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
There's a big hole in the wall at the dining hall. I hope we didn't do
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
I also have bagel bites. I know that's not as big an incentive as the cocksucking but.....
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
