Did you hit it?
Turns out she was a he. but to answer your question, yes.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
