I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
