Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He literally stole all the change that was on my floor and ran away while I was peeing. I have to rethink my standards.
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
Randomize
