wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Randomize
