Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Randomize
