One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I'm driving to work hungover. I feel like I got hit by a train and then drank that train too.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
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