Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
That would warm my breasts.
In this context breast is a metaphor for soul.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
