chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
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