I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
So vagazzling was a success
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Randomize
