I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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