i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
