If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
All I remember is lecturing my dog about how she's a lucky bitch to have a structured eating and shitting schedule.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
