at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
