I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I am sitting on my kitchen floor drunk with a bottle of jose cuervo, tryin to make cinnamon rolls and write a paper. I love college
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
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