Omg! Love it! Cant find L*****
What!!?? Like after last night you lost her?
Yea me and L***** came back to out hotel at 3am to regroup then went back out; police and 2 bars later, I don't know what happened. Vegas is nuts!
I wannas sexs uuuuu
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
and you fell through a lawn chair
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
Randomize
