Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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