Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(407): View more from Florida

me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.

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(850): View more from Florida

At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.

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(316): View more from Kansas

his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball

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(708): View more from Illinois

This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.

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(305): View more from Florida

Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.

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(941): View more from Florida

I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.

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(662): View more from Mississippi

I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now

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(870): View more from Arkansas

Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.

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