So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
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