I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
I decided not to look up the nudes, because I believe that there is a line, and that mocking my old classmate's horrid nudes alone crosses that line.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
