she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
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