so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
my penis made a compromise with my morals
Randomize