Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
Even my vagina gasped.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
