I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
She fell asleep with me.... We found her pantsless in the dogbed in the morning... Russian foreign exchange students
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
just curious, were the inflatable penis' received? Amazon says they were delivered.
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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