i seriously hope you fucking die....you are the worst.
SHit! Sorry, sent to wrong person
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
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