physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
