Got a toothbrush?
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
I dunno. It's not as good as 'devourer of cocks' but I suppose few things are.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
