Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I met the friendliest cop last night
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
dont seek real advice from me tonight cause its always gonna end with we should have sex
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
Can you repeat that, but with context?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
