I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
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