I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize
