it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
