So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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