I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Do you ever just admire your boobs?
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize