we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
