So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
if by making eggnog you mean drinking all the spiced rum, then yes, she's making eggnog
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
