Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
