I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude. Got a sore throat. Don't know if it's because my body is rejecting Michigan or cause of the bad ass blow job I gave last night
Randomize
