I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I just Tebowed the shit out of her.
Nice and you can't use "Tebow" in the place of every verb.
I woke up next to him fully clothed but my thong was around his neck. Polling to decide if we had sex or not starts now.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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