Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU
MANY MANY THINGS AND MOST OF THEM ARE YOUR FUCKING FAULT
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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