There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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