I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Randomize
