dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Weve literally been going out drinking five days a week. That counts as a full time job right?
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
Randomize
