I dont abuse you, i just hit you while we have sex
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
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