I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
