ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
Randomize
