Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
