Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Thank you for not boning my boss.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
You don't understand!!! BACON ROSES!!! Why are you not more excited?!
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
