ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
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