yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
Randomize
