Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Randomize
