please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
Randomize
