I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
he said he was going grocery shopping but when he came back all he had was a jumbo bag of pancake mix and case of beer.
the essentials, lol
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He's a security blanket. A security blanket who FUCKS.
Randomize
