i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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