does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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