Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
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