Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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