I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I just want you to know that we eye fucked the shit out of someone who just got drafted
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
