Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
she was so "full of love" from watching twilight that she came over and gave me a handjob. when does the next movie come out?
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
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