I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Randomize
