Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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