You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Randomize
