he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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