I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Randomize
