so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize