All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
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