My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
