I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
Randomize
