i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
She definitely pulled a diaper out of her purse and cleaned up the vodka with it, where do you meet these people?!
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
