Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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