I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
that's an acceptable place to lick
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize
