you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
40s are totally the cure
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
Randomize
