She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
I woke up naked on the bathroom floor. the tile grout marks on my boobs hurt, i mananged to use a roll toilet paper as a pillow. never again. did we eat salad?
I made popcorn. Partly so the room doesn't smell like sex, and partly to apologize for the things you saw when you walked in...
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Randomize
