The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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