it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
you said you couldnt let go of the fence because your hand was molding to it.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
