I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Randomize
