and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
