You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Randomize
