My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
