we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
I think my moral compass just broke
Randomize