So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm allowing myself one mistake a year. He gets to be 2012.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Just learned a valuable lesson today. Don't open snap chats from 3 am the next morning while sitting next to a small child. They totally saw your dick.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
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