A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
ugh i can't even wear this perfume anymore. it just brings back blurry memories of blowjobs and regret.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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