Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
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