I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
