Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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